Archive for the ‘Comedy’ Category

CNN Headline T-shirts: for the serious activist

May 2, 2008

I noticed a little T-shirt icon next to CNN’s top headlines:

Looks like CNN is offering us a way to take our activism to the next level! They will make and sell you a T-shirt with the words of certain headlines on them. Oh joy! That will be a cool thing to wear for about 30 seconds, until the story is completely forgotten about. But if you really care about bikini-wearing teachers’ rights (or about carjetcycles, or whatever else they deem T-worthy), you’ll buy and proudly wear it on your sleeve.


New insanity from higher education

March 9, 2008

If you want to look “inclusive” and as non-sexist as possible, you now use the @ sign at the ends of Spanish words that would normally end either in O or A. To wit: the new “themed floors” in the residence halls at UCLA, one of which will be the “Chican@/Latin@ diaspora” floor. The @ sign, being an A inside of an O, is supposed to encompass both male and female, and thus be less likely than insensitive words like Chicano and Latina to emotionally scar someone for life.

Good Lord, shield us from an overconcentration of buzz-words.

Read the article at the Daily Bruin. It may be the first and only time in your life that you laugh while vomiting, both uncontrollably.

But I have a problem with this. (Big surprise.) I want to know how the idea of a Chican@/Latin@ diaspora floor is more “inclusive” than any of the themed floors it is replacing:

an academic floor, a social justice floor, an art floor, a community service floor and a health and fitness floor

These cover EVERYBODY. Chican@ etc. covers only Chican@s. Funny thing, too: they plan to introduce new themes in the future if Chican@ et al. prove successful. One of the projected future themes is “health and fitness.”

And what’s up with the O encompassing the A? Like the A needs the O’s protection? And what about the letter O belonging to women, for its likeness to feminine anatomy? (See this book for an example.)

The whole thing—focusing on my race rather than on “academics” or “art”—is like a piano player taking lessons to master the trill, without caring ever to learn the circle of fifths.

Do read the whole article. It’s ridiculous.

OH, there is another something I read this week that could induce joint laughter and horking. As reported on the Phi Beta Cons blog, the Madonna Constantine plagiarism case at Columbia University has been subjected to a profoundly moving analysis by one Anthony Kelley. In the piece, entitled “Is Professor Constantine Guilty of Plagiarism?”, Kelley, a self-described “advocate of black radical feminism,” is concerned less with whether plagiarism occurred than with making sure nobody’s feelings get hurt:

By staying committed to the principles of compassion and love, I trust that we may be able to preserve both the integrity of all individuals involved and the community to which we are all committed.

If you see Kelley, tell him this: a plagiarizer forfeits his or her (can I just write “h@” and be understood?) integrity, and betrays the trust of the community h@ belongs to. However, to Kelley, the whole thing “is just another instance of white supremacy and sexism at work wherein a black woman’s credibility is systematically made illegitimate.”

I suppose the mournful saga of oppression begins when an Ivy League school hires a black woman and then awards her tenure. The depths of white supremacy’s evil are indeed fathomless.

I will say, though, that if she did not plagiarize, then her accusers need to pay, big time. If she did plagiarize, she needs to pay.

Anyway, I have work to do, so I’ll leave you with the ending. Anthony Kelley makes Mr. Rogers look like Rambo in this dripping performance:

We do not know whether or not Professor Constantine committed plagiarism. Neither do we know her motivations if she did indeed plagiarize. Nonetheless, we should have fewer conversations about punishment and more conversations about redemption and healing. Only after constructive dialogue can we even begin to discuss “punishment” or “sanctions.”

Imagine a forum in which Professor Constantine and her accusers engage in the life-sustaining practice of dialogue, actively listening to each other’s concerns and extending heart-felt compassion in understanding each other’s pain. Imagine the reconciliation that could arise from such a space. Imagine the impact such a forum would have on our community. Instead of just giving lip-service to the idea of dialogue, we would be demonstrating its importance and effectiveness, even when it is difficult and uncomfortable. Imagine an end to the lies. Imagine embracing truth. Imagine healing.

Anthony Kelley is a Columbia College junior majoring in Women’s and Gender Studies. Strength to Love runs alternate Tuesdays.

HAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!!!! Dangit, sign me up! I want love! I want Columbia WGS love!

Shield eyes before reading

February 23, 2008

Brad’s got a 3-DVD set of the BBC show “The Old Grey Whistle Test,” which ran forever and had a million different performers on over the years. Johnny Winter was on in 1974, doing a completely rocking version of “Jumping Jack Flash.”

But the visual experience of this performance is traumatic, to say the least. Check out JW’s sleeves:

If you can’t see them, they are cut off at the elbow, and have 4-foot-long red silk sashes coming out of them.

And the mullet (and lips) on the drummer should receive mention:

If a “tree” falls down and there’s no one to hear it . . .

December 8, 2007

Saw a lot today that was selling the following product:


I kid you not.

Iowa’s pink locker room heats up again

December 5, 2007

This is too funny . . . I remember reading about this in 2005, and it just kills me that anyone is trying to make a sexism/homophobia case out of this. ANY case, but this time it might be a court case.

Hayden Fry, the former coach at Iowa, said:

“It’s been fun to get the reaction of visiting coaches to the color of their locker room,” Fry wrote. “Most don’t notice it, but those that do are in trouble. . . . When I talk to an opposing coach before a game and he mentions the pink walls, I know I’ve got him. I can’t recall a coach who has stirred up a fuss about the color and then beat us.”

Sally Jenkins, sports writer for the Washington Post, commented in ’05:

Fry understood something Buzuvis [law prof at Iowa, and critic of the pink locker room] apparently doesn’t: The people most likely to be undone by pink walls are not straight men, women or gays, but misogynists and homophobes.

The person reviving the issue is Jill Gaulding, formerly law prof. at Iowa. Her reasoning is bogus:

“If anything has changed, I would say that things are getting worse and not better,” Gaulding said, citing an initiation ritual in which rookie Seattle Mariner baseball players wore pink backpacks this season (which “beats most initiations, like wearing a dress,” the paraphrased one player as saying).

“Once again, this idea trickles out like poison into the rest of the culture that it’s shameful to be female,” Gaulding said.

No—there’s no shame in being female. But there is shame in being a football player whose game suffers because he is persuaded, by wall color, to think of himself as weak. Or, more broadly, shame in being a human being who can be so influenced. But give me a break, shame in being female? Tells me more about Gaulding’s self perception than about widely held assumptions about men and women.

Allison Kasic comments at the Independent Women’s Forum.

I agree with Kasic: the best part is indeed Jenkins’ line:

You better know who you are if you walk into that room. Otherwise, the pink could shatter you.

Kerry neglect

November 3, 2007

It’s been a while since I took a pot-shot at John Kerry. The whole taser incident at U of Florida was entertaining solely because of the tased student and his now anthemic cry of “Don’t tase me, bro!”

So here’s something one of you sent me by e-mail last October, just before the historic drubbing the Republicans took at the ballot box.


Wanna shop for blisters?

September 30, 2007

Looking up “cold sores” tonight I found this very helpful pop-up advertisement linked to the keyword “blisters”:


If I ever need to “compare and save” on blisters, I’ll know where to go.

Simpsons on Vanity

August 17, 2007

Here it is.

It’s really long (over 9,000 words), but has some great parts in it. Here’s one that is near the end:

Tim Long, co–executive producer, The Simpsons (1999–present): Mr. T [another guest] was telling me the scenes that happened in Rocky III, where he lost. The reason he lost was because his mother needed money for an operation, and so he was paid to take a dive. And I said, “Well, I don’t remember that in the movie.” And he just looks at me right in the eye and says, “Things you don’t see!”

I said to him, “I remember you put out a record called Mr. T’s Commandments.” And somehow he heard that as “Mr. T, please sing ‘Mr. T’s Commandments.'” So he sang me the whole song. And I just thought, If I’m killed by a sniper tonight, well, my life would have ended beautifully, because I have been sung to by Mr. T.

Chinese Harry Potter imitations—baaaad!

August 10, 2007

You simply must read these excerpts from Chinese knock-offs of the latest Harry Potter book. With phrases like “sour and sweet rain” and names like “Big Spinach,” you are guaranteed a laugh.

Punish cops with Hello Kitty

August 9, 2007

The NY Times reports on a plan to keep Thai cops in line: make them wear a pink Hello Kitty armband for failing to maintain department standards.

Ten of the armbands have been prepared, but so far none have actually been issued, according to an officer who declined to give his name while discussing this sensitive topic.

“After this policy came out, the police are scared,” the officer said. “It will be very embarrassing to walk around with Hello Kitty on your arm.”

The article goes on to say that “Pink armbands for misdemeanors are a start. Stronger measures could be next for corruption and extrajudicial killings.” And what might the punishment be for a cop who appoints himself public executioner? Two armbands? Ah, the program is brand new . . . we will have to wait and see.